Do you ever feel like you have to like what other people like, speak how other people speak and walk how other people walk in order to fit in?
Do you feel like an alien around your mates, like you’re cut out from a different cloth, and you shrink yourself to fit into their spaces for the fear of rejection?
Well, guess what! That’s exactly how I felt as a teenager. I was surrounded by lots of people that I didn’t truly connect with because I was way too scared to show them who I really was. I was scared that they wouldn’t like me, so I simply mirrored them. I got into whatever they were into, listened to whatever they listened to, and once I even broke my arm, trying to prove I can skateboard so others would think I’m cool.
Never in a million years, had I thought that the problem could easily be solved if I did the one radical thing of being fully, unapologetically me.
I carried my feelings of not-enoughness with me into adulthood, masked by fake confidence, so nobody would know how alone I truly felt inside.
It was only when I hit the rock bottom and attracted into my life a partner who resembled my abusive father that I realised that something had to change and that the only way I would find people who understand me and love me for who I am, was to get to know ME better, love ME more and practice radical honesty.
“No one is you and that is your power”
– Dave Grohl
I decided that I will never again shrink myself to fit anybody else’s space.
I decided that I will find people that I feel like I belong with, by speaking my truth, finding out who I truly am behind the mask and by being comfortable in my own skin.
I stopped trying to make people like me and recognised that people like me more, when I like myself more.
I stopped comparing myself to others and stopped putting up with other people’s behaviour that I used to put up with for the sake of belonging.
And now I want you to know that there’s are people out there for everyone. You’ll only find your kind of people, when you find yourself. You’ll be more fully loved by others when you love yourself. And you are enough, and perfectly imperfect, just the way you are.
The more you practice saying what you truly think and how you feel, the more you’ll find people who think and feel the same way. It is a journey, it will take time, you can experiment, and you may ‘get it wrong’, but remember you can always course-correct at any time!
“Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”
When you are living out somebody else’s ideas, you lose the sight of who you are and you miss out on relationships and friendships with people who truly get you and accept you.
When you feel like you are losing sight of who you are, I find that the best way to get back on track, is to sit with yourself and write it out. Journalling is an awesome way to get to know yourself and reframe all the negative thoughts you have in your head. You can also try meditation, learning to go within, become aware of your thoughts, allow them to come and go and find your true inner wisdom and voice.
I encourage you to try for 30 days to speak your truth, find out what you truly like, be unapologetically YOU. You will find connection with others and the magic within you, whenever you’re ready to unleash it!
“Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.”
Monika Stachon is a Strategy & Mindset Coach, entrepreneur and a mother. She specialises in helping women step into their power and turn their ‘weird’ into their superpower. If you ‘d like help starting and growing your online business by being fully, unapologetically you and without compromising on your values, drop her a message.