A common theme for many young women is comparing ourselves to others…
In fact, it’s a pandemic unto itself!
The urge to make comparisons is so strong, research even suggests that at least 10% of our daily thoughts involve making a comparison of some kind. That’s a heck of a lot of time wasted that we could be using for positive thoughts and amazing ideas, right? So, how do you even try and stop comparing yourself to others when there is a constant stream of content on the internet being downloaded into our brains? Not to mention throughout the rest of our lives in friendship groups, family, romantic relationships, media and more!
Here’s a few hacks that might help:
1. Remember – Noone is you and that is your power
You are completely and utterly unique!! In fact the chance of you being born, having your; DNA, character, physical appearance, your whole existence is 1 in 102,685,000!!
You are WHOLE, COMPLETE and PERFECT exactly as you are!
Even if you can’t or don’t really see it right now, you do have a unique offering for the world. And if you are not sure what makes you special yet, just trust that you are!
Even if a million people want to also be what you want to be in life, nobody can do it quite like you. You have your own expression to offer the world.
(One tip to help may be to write a list of all the things that differentiate you from others. If there is one particular person you constantly compare yourself to, think of all the things that make you special in comparison to them and celebrate those unique differences!)
2. Recognise that those you are comparing yourself to, are likely an unrealistic target.
In fact, more than likely, they aren’t quite as ‘perfect’ as they seem. Trust me, nobody is! Even when it very much looks like they are! For instance, sometimes we compare our romantic relationships to other couples, and later realise that friend you thought had the most perfect relationship, 5 years later has actually been putting up with years of upset and hasn’t dared tell anyone because she wanted everything to seem perfect on the outside.
You never really know the depths of other people’s lives, so it’s best to stop concentrating on them.
Spend that energy on yourself and comparing yourself only to yourself. See how far you have come. Am I doing better than yesterday? Compete with yourself and yourself alone.
3. One trick is to try only comparing yourself to a ‘lower target’.
Instead of comparing yourself to somebody who is the current ‘best at what they do’. Make a list of the top ten and then compare yourself to number 10, instead of number 1. This may help to get things more in perspective as you start your journey to becoming an expert in your field.
Have those people be an inspiration to you rather than a competitor or to use as another reason that you aren’t ‘good enough’. Look at their behaviours, or ‘ways of being’, what do they have that could help you improve if you were to do what they do?
4. When you notice yourself start to compare. Notice what it is you are trying to achieve.
Do you want to better yourself? Or are you beating yourself up? Perhaps it’s just a habit. If you are comparing yourself because you notice that you have a skill or area that needs more work or attention, that is great! That is ‘self-awareness’. Ask yourself what that person is doing to achieve their results. Find out how they did it, will you need to study more, research, try on a new ‘way of being’ etc. Find an action to help yourself grow in that area. Don’t fall into the trap of using it as another excuse to beat yourself up. Have it be a lesson for growth.
5. Congratulate yourself for how far you have come.
If the comparisons you are making have you feeling low about yourself, then try spending some time considering the strides you have taken in your own life, and congratulating yourself for the areas where you have moved forward. Look back at how far you have come. Spend some time on this and give yourself love for every small win. Write a list of at least 20 ways you have progressed in the last year. Forward is still forward, it does not have to be huge achievements. You may be surprised how far you have come yourself in a year.
6. Remember comparisons can go both ways!
Who out there might be looking at you and your life, comparing themselves and wishing they had what you have? Who can you help bring them up to where you are now? Taking the focus off yourself and helping others will soon make your forget about what you don’t have!
Remember above everything, that people were never designed to be perfect. We all have our faults and we can always grow and develop ourselves. The negative and positive sides of our personality make us unique, and we are nothing less than perfectly loveable with both!