Gossiping – right there in the moment, feels really good! It feels somehow like you are connecting with someone.
It’s like a weird form of ‘bonding’ goes on between two people having “a good ol’ bitch”, you have a mutual concern, a feeling that you are somewhat ‘the same’.
However, if not there and then, soon after, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth, an uncomfortable sensation arises, a deep uneasiness in the pit of your stomach.
For me, I would just feel REALLY, REALLY bad about myself, and I’d go about my day overthinking about what had previously been said, knowing I had so wrongly put another person down
Ultimately, that I had gone against WHO I really was.
The irony is that I’d wind up feeling even LESS connected to that person, not closer like I had ‘thought’.Because, well, maybe SHE is now judging me, maybe SHE will go and say the same about me when she talks with others.
Maybe I went too far, saying something I really shouldn’t have, something I don’t even mean because I was just looking desperately for something, anything to say.Am I not an understanding, empathetic, compassionate person after all?
So a few years ago, I realised the only way to get over this feeling was to GIVE IT UP.FOR GOOD!And that is hard to do!Especially when everyone around you is still doing it, and it’s how you have related and created yourself in virtually ALL your friendships. The sad fact is that humans do tend to connect much too often over another person’s demise.
However, once I got present to how prolific it was in my life, I resolved to quit.
I decided my conversations were going to be conversations FOR, not conversations AGAINST.
Conversations for; change, for vitality, aliveness, for resolution and understanding, for compassion, peace, happiness, fun, and most importantly for my personal commitment in life — the empowerment of ALL women.
It changed everything.
I stopped needing to fill in the blanks and being scared of awkward silences. I stopped needing to fill the void by connecting with people in this ‘oh so normal’ and comfortable way as I had before.
And yes, it was deeply uncomfortable for a while. What would people think of me if I didn’t chime in when they offered me a gossip bone? Would they think I was acting superior, that I think I’m ‘too good’ to join in on a good ol’ gossip.
But I maintained.
I allowed there to be silence instead of empty words.
I became someone that now others don’t expect to gossip. And now in my life, most people don’t gossip around me. I stopped attracting gossip to me, In fact I hardly even notice it at all anymore.But how?Well, I started asking harder questions of myself and of others and I started sharing instead more of what really matters to me.
Most importantly, I refused to be superior about my new commitment and accepted that people around me would still gossip and that it’s not ‘bad’ per se. In fact, if I decided they are inherently ‘bad’ for gossiping, then ironically I’m still gossiping, this time, in my head — to myself, and that is no better!I would simply either ignore it, direct the conversation elsewhere, or lovingly point out something that may help them towards gaining more empathy or understanding of others.
Never with the intention of making them feel bad about what they had said.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I do have a vent very occasionally! I am a work in progress, and nobody is perfect after all!
But I resolve to stay committed that we are equal in life, and that each of us is doing the best we can with what we know. That doesn’t mean have to mean that we are all going to get along all of the time!
Humans do, after all, have more similarities than we have differences, but we will not find peace in blaming, victimising, gossiping, hating or denigrating our fellow man.
Gossiping goes against who I am. As my word.
I am for UNITY, for ONENESS.
So I ask you, what are you really committed to in life? What is your word in the matter?